I Have Found My Way Between the Worlds

    After three weeks (almost) of searching and trying to learn the lessons of the High Priestess, I have found my way.  The High Priestess represents the way between the worlds.  Between where we are this moment and what we may become.  The magician is the resource we need but the it takes working through the High   Priestess to find out what that resource is.
    My resource is my creativity with photography.  I am not sure yet in what way I will need to utilize this resource.  But I am sure that photography will be what takes me along my path.  As Frigg waeves the fabric of life, I too need to weave.  But my weaving will be a story.  Perhaps only in images, perhaps in words as well.  I have now to move on from the High Priestess and learn what purpose my weaving is to serve.
    This is an exciting time for me.  Almost a year ago I had set certain goals for myself, but, as the saying goes, life got in the way.  Well, the year from hell is over and my time has now come.

What Kind of Magician am I?

    The saying goes that if you ask ten people the same question, you'll get twelve answers.  I feel the same way about consulting various Tarot resources about the meaning of the Magician card.  Depending upon the source the Magician can represent a period of study and learning, a period of using the elements; earth, air, fire and water in magic, a person who has the answers.  One I found particulary interesting said that a person who is represented by the Magician has all the resources they need within themselves to suceed.
    The one constant though was the need for honesty.  The magician, despite all the differences in definitions, must be honest to both herself and to others.  Magic requires integrity as much as it requires ability.
    As for myself.  I fell that although I may already have the resources within me, I'll need much study to be able to use them to their fullest.  I've suceeded, I think, in banishing some of my space wasting thoughts and emotions.  This will leave room in my life for my own "resources" to grow.
    I feel ready to leave the realm of magician and move on to the next card.  My needlework magician is represented by stairs leading up to a path, and the path continues on.  I am now ready to climb those stairs and leave the nest to start on my path.

Living With Your Past

       I have been having some vivid dreams lately.  A woman I know and respect online has suggested that I am preparing for a new level of energy in my life.  This makes sense to me.  So, in order to make room for the new, some of the past must be let go.  I am not planning on forgetting my past.  Mistakes are to be learned from, not banished from memory.  But, they must be put into perspective.  To this end I have come up with two rituals.
   In the first, all of the choices I regret making I will be writing down, cutting up the paper and burying it in the earth.  I originally was going to be burying them away from my home and land, but then I realized that such an act would serve only to banish them, not allow me to retain their lessons.  Here the earth can cleanse them of their negative aspects and leave their lessons for me to draw on.
   In the second ritual I will be writing down all my dreams that I never put the effort in to make come true.  These I will be burning so that the wind may carry them to another who may make them come true for herself.
    Our past is more than just the sum of our years here.  It includes our family, our ancestors, our shared history.  Along the way I hope to find ways to honor my past.  One of the first I plan to start is to prepare foods that my ancestors ate.  Not on a daily basis, but hopefully on a regular one.  To eat according to the seasons and try to see  life through their eyes.
  

You Can't Know Where to Go Without Knowing Where You've Been

    Okay, here I am.  A newly hatched magician on her way to enlightenment.  Except it's not that easy.  When my children were growing up I always knew when they were about to make a jump into a new stage of maturity.  They would first regress a little, then hesitate, then without warning suddenly appear in their new, more grown up roles.  My mother used to say that an illness had to reach a "crisis" stage before you overcame it.  During that crisis your fever grew higher, your body felt sicker, and either you died then and there or you were suddenly feeling much better.
    Right now I am being flooded with past feelings and desires.  All my dreams of what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be are coming back to mock me.  If I'm not careful they will hold me back from growing and leave me here depressed over choices I made and despondent that I'll not have the chance again to choose differently.
    The best way for me to move on from here will be to face my past and put it in perspective.  Some of my choices I don't regret and would choose again without hesitation.  Although I may regret my choice of college, if I hadn't gone there I may not have met my husband.  My husband and my children are choices that I definitly would make again, and again.  Others however need to be put to rest.  There are some lines in an old Country Joe and the Fish song called "Who Am I" that sums up how I feel sometimes.
    "Of promises and deeds undone.  And now again I want to run.  But now, there is nowhere, to run to."
    The only difference is that the song refers to promises the singer made to his friends and family, and for me it is promises I had once made to myself.
    No matter how I do it, I must place these things where they belong.  It will only be then that I can move forward to my future.