I Have Found My Way Between the Worlds

    After three weeks (almost) of searching and trying to learn the lessons of the High Priestess, I have found my way.  The High Priestess represents the way between the worlds.  Between where we are this moment and what we may become.  The magician is the resource we need but the it takes working through the High   Priestess to find out what that resource is.
    My resource is my creativity with photography.  I am not sure yet in what way I will need to utilize this resource.  But I am sure that photography will be what takes me along my path.  As Frigg waeves the fabric of life, I too need to weave.  But my weaving will be a story.  Perhaps only in images, perhaps in words as well.  I have now to move on from the High Priestess and learn what purpose my weaving is to serve.
    This is an exciting time for me.  Almost a year ago I had set certain goals for myself, but, as the saying goes, life got in the way.  Well, the year from hell is over and my time has now come.

Searching for the High Priestess

    Searching for the High Priestess, come out, come out where ever you are.  I haven't had much luck yet in connecting to the divine.  I've tried meditations, herbal teas, hearbal pillows and good old fashioned hard physical work.  All I've managed to locate are some old ambitions and a bad cold.  Come to think of it, the old ambitions were worth finding again.
    Last year I had a grand plan to acheive personal success with photography.   During my year from hell it fell by the wayside.  While searching for my connection to the divine I may not have found the key, but I did find the ambition to get shooting again.
    Other ambitions have also surfaced.  Plans and schemes to take the place of dreams that no longer fit.  I don't know if this is the way that I am supposed to be connecting.  Perhaps it is.  Perhaps my merging of the two worlds is supposed to be one of photographic capture.  i can only find out by trying.

Moving on to The High Priestess

    It has taken me some extra time to finally leave the Magician's realm and move onto the next card.  I have spent this time involved with changes at work, putting the gardens to bed for the winter and fighting off a series of colds. 
    I have also spent this time working on projects that I needed to get started.  Holiday gifts to be made from herbs and gems, cleaning of closets and reconnecting with old friends.  I have finally started on my CafePress stores and will be also working on some photo ideas I had put on hold.
    Tomorrow is the full moon.  The next two weeks will be the time for me to again rid myself of excess baggage.  Memories that serve no purpose and daydreams that do nothing but waste time.
    The High Priestess represents our striving to go between two worlds.  Linking the everyday that we live in with the realms of the divine.  It is often likened to the Wiccican way of "Drawing Down the Moon", of trying to embode The Goddess into ourselves so that we may share of her wisdom.  I'm not sure of what I will find as I meditate upon the High Priestess.  I only know that I am now ready to try.

What Kind of Magician am I?

    The saying goes that if you ask ten people the same question, you'll get twelve answers.  I feel the same way about consulting various Tarot resources about the meaning of the Magician card.  Depending upon the source the Magician can represent a period of study and learning, a period of using the elements; earth, air, fire and water in magic, a person who has the answers.  One I found particulary interesting said that a person who is represented by the Magician has all the resources they need within themselves to suceed.
    The one constant though was the need for honesty.  The magician, despite all the differences in definitions, must be honest to both herself and to others.  Magic requires integrity as much as it requires ability.
    As for myself.  I fell that although I may already have the resources within me, I'll need much study to be able to use them to their fullest.  I've suceeded, I think, in banishing some of my space wasting thoughts and emotions.  This will leave room in my life for my own "resources" to grow.
    I feel ready to leave the realm of magician and move on to the next card.  My needlework magician is represented by stairs leading up to a path, and the path continues on.  I am now ready to climb those stairs and leave the nest to start on my path.

Living With Your Past

       I have been having some vivid dreams lately.  A woman I know and respect online has suggested that I am preparing for a new level of energy in my life.  This makes sense to me.  So, in order to make room for the new, some of the past must be let go.  I am not planning on forgetting my past.  Mistakes are to be learned from, not banished from memory.  But, they must be put into perspective.  To this end I have come up with two rituals.
   In the first, all of the choices I regret making I will be writing down, cutting up the paper and burying it in the earth.  I originally was going to be burying them away from my home and land, but then I realized that such an act would serve only to banish them, not allow me to retain their lessons.  Here the earth can cleanse them of their negative aspects and leave their lessons for me to draw on.
   In the second ritual I will be writing down all my dreams that I never put the effort in to make come true.  These I will be burning so that the wind may carry them to another who may make them come true for herself.
    Our past is more than just the sum of our years here.  It includes our family, our ancestors, our shared history.  Along the way I hope to find ways to honor my past.  One of the first I plan to start is to prepare foods that my ancestors ate.  Not on a daily basis, but hopefully on a regular one.  To eat according to the seasons and try to see  life through their eyes.
  

You Can't Know Where to Go Without Knowing Where You've Been

    Okay, here I am.  A newly hatched magician on her way to enlightenment.  Except it's not that easy.  When my children were growing up I always knew when they were about to make a jump into a new stage of maturity.  They would first regress a little, then hesitate, then without warning suddenly appear in their new, more grown up roles.  My mother used to say that an illness had to reach a "crisis" stage before you overcame it.  During that crisis your fever grew higher, your body felt sicker, and either you died then and there or you were suddenly feeling much better.
    Right now I am being flooded with past feelings and desires.  All my dreams of what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be are coming back to mock me.  If I'm not careful they will hold me back from growing and leave me here depressed over choices I made and despondent that I'll not have the chance again to choose differently.
    The best way for me to move on from here will be to face my past and put it in perspective.  Some of my choices I don't regret and would choose again without hesitation.  Although I may regret my choice of college, if I hadn't gone there I may not have met my husband.  My husband and my children are choices that I definitly would make again, and again.  Others however need to be put to rest.  There are some lines in an old Country Joe and the Fish song called "Who Am I" that sums up how I feel sometimes.
    "Of promises and deeds undone.  And now again I want to run.  But now, there is nowhere, to run to."
    The only difference is that the song refers to promises the singer made to his friends and family, and for me it is promises I had once made to myself.
    No matter how I do it, I must place these things where they belong.  It will only be then that I can move forward to my future.
  

I've hatched: The Magician

    I've made it.  I have hatched from my egg and am wobbling around on unsteady little new born legs.  Despite it's name, the Magician doesn't stand for someone all grown up and in charge.  Someone at home casting spells and making rabbits appear from thin air (or even hats for that matter).  No, the Magician is about choosing your destiny and going about learning how to attain it.
    If the Fool gave me both hope and despair then I'm not sure what to expect on this leg of my journey.  Here I am, newly hatched.  I haven't even braved out of my nest yet, (actually I shouldn't, I'm still cleaning it) and I need to start thinking about what I want to be when I grow up.  I know that this was part of the reason for my starting the journey, I just figured I'd have a little more time before I really needed to be thinking about it.